Vegeta's Life According to Him
by Angel of Death2
Summary: His life from Veggie's POV.... kinda.... JUST READ IT! lol R&R!
1. Notes on Story

Vegeta's Life According to Him.

Author's note.

Okay, these are a collection of short pointless little ficlets that I've thrown together. They are about various events, emotions, people etc. I'm sure if you threw them all together, you could pretty much see a good portion of his life according to him. 

These are meant to by funny, or just plain odd. I've got two up at this point in time. And have several more ideas. Hell I plan to do one when Vegeta spends a whole story (ficlet) describing/trying to figure out Bulma's damned hair. (That freaky bush cut!)

I'm thinking of doing one when he's sick and even some of him as a little kid. They'll be strange, but people seem to get a cheep laugh out of them. So meh.

That's a long enough introduction! No…. you still need to know that these can all be considered stand alone stories since they follow no real order. I'm an artist, what do I care about order? (Yes… to all you artists out there, it's a joke. To those who don't get what I'm saying to the artists, just take it as it is…)

Right! Anyways!

Enjoy my messed up ficlets!!! And REVIEW!!!! I NEED REVIEWS! Lol! How else will I know weather or not you all hate me and want me to give up writing forever?! (Even though, that would really hurt my feelings and I would probably find some artist worthy way to kill my self….) 

All right…. I'm done….

AoD


	2. How Vegeta Obtained Immortality

~So you believe that having children gives humans a sense of immortality, do you

~So you believe that having children gives humans a sense of immortality, do you?~

How Vegeta Obtained Immortality. 

By the Angel of Death

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Yet another sad attempt at humour from me! R&R guys! I wanna know if I'm the only one who likes this!

Sometimes Vegeta thought himself to be the dumbest creature in the universe! (Aside from Kakorott, of course!) This was one of those times. 

He had just come out of the gravity room to find that woman he lived with crying. For some god awful, out of character reason, he had asked her what was wrong. So impressed had she been that one thing quickly lead to another, as they say. Human males wined about not being able to find mates. He had to laugh at them after mating with that woman. It was so easy. Ask the weaklings questions, wait for the answers and they were yours! Well at least that was how it had happened with this woman. He had been told though, that not all women were like her. 

Some were actually quiet!

Well, getting back to why the woman had been crying. She had looked up at him so pitifully and said that her boyfriend (what a dumb term!) had cheated on her again. Then she had said something about something breaking? He wished the woman could use plain English sometimes… Really, was it that hard? He didn't think so and it wasn't even his langue! 

So, he had listened to her sob story and promptly told her to stop her complaining and get over the weakling. (And you men can't find mates? Look how easy it was for him! Geez…) 

She hadn't glared at him, or hit him, or threatened him, or screamed. Needless to say he was getting a little nervous! She had merely smiled and praised him for his intelligence. (He was beginning to think she had finally gone off the deep end.)

He had snorted and had been about to agree with her on that point when she had kissed him! Kissed the prince! A lowly weakling woman! Well he hadn't been about to stand for that! But as soon as her hands started…. Well never mind what they were doing… he had decided to forget she was such a pathetic life form and allow her ahem! Kiss.

Now having this upset woman in his arms made Vegeta think. His mind started to wonder and he began to think about being immortal. (The prince was not know for his way with the opposite sex…) And eventually, after much of the rust had left the wheels in his mind he had thought of something. Something so wonderfully simple it couldn't fail! (The prince was not informed that this would be a good time to knock on wood. Sadly enough.)

He would simply make the woman unable to leave him, and force her to get the Dragonballs for him! It was so easy! And what better way to make a woman unwilling to leave her mate then with a child! It could work! It would work! It had to work! (Vegeta latter wondered what the hell he had been on at this moment.)

Ahem! So Vegeta and the woman, 'hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing' so the expression goes. (For those who don't know the expression they went at it like two ferrets in a paper bag! Get the picture? Excellent!) 

And so the woman ends up pregnant. Time passes, many horrible, horrible months of nothing but mood swings and food cravings passed. Vegeta was starting to wish he had remained dead on Namek! Just when he was about to save himself further pain and suffering, the brat, make that child, was born! It was a great day of rejoicing! For everyone except of course Vegeta. Who was still trying to figure out what the hell was in that damned blue blanket!

Finally the blanket (and child!) was passed to him and he looked down. 

The first thought that came to his mind was that the child had the ugliest purple hair in existence! And after the urge to throw the brat out the window had passed Vegeta noticed something else. 

He was holding his son!

Now that thought really blew the prince away. He had made life? Nu-uh! Not possible. He took lives, he didn't make them, or so he had thought. He thought back to the reason why the brat had been conceived in the first place. 

His wish for immortality. 

Looking down at the squirming brat Vegeta finally understood something; he didn't need to wish for immortality. It was staring him in the face!

As soon as he realized that of course he immediately began telling the third class moron how his son would be the greatest fighter in the universe! And would kick the snot out of that freaky, not to mention ugly thing Kakorott consider a son!

The third class moron had only smiled and congratulated Vegeta. The prince had given the brat back to the woman and had proceeded to beat the snot out of the moron. For no other reason then the fact that he could.

~End!~

Lol! I like this one! Come on guys! R&R!

AoD


	3. A Father's Pride

A Father's Pride

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

My line: Have a happy Monday!

Author's note: This is written in the same style as 'How Vegeta Obtained Immorality'. Chances are, if you liked that one, you'll like this one.

Veggie's POV.

R&R!!!!!

AoD

~*~

"No. You can't make me, I refuse." And since I was the Sayian Prince that was the end of the matter.I crossed my arms over my chest and turned my back on that loud-mouthed woman.

"You are going and there's nothing you can do about it!" she retorted.

Did I say the end of the matter…?

"Woman. Just shut up, I'm not going." 

That woman that I had the horrible misfortune to be mated to, snorted, "You don't go mister, and you're spending the next month on the couch." She said as she poked my chest. Can you believe it? That stupid woman poked me! _POKED ME! _I just can't stress that enough. If there's on earth custom I hate, it's being poked.

"Do not poke me woman!" I growled.

She rolled her eyes; did I mention she was low classed? "Vegeta shut up. Not even you would risk a month on the couch." She narrowed her eyes, and I suddenly felt something that was definitely not nervousness. "You're _pride _couldn't last that long."

The way she looked at me made me clue into the double meaning. I just hmphed, as only I can and stuck my nose in the air.She was right, no matter how much I hated to admit it. I couldn't last a month without, ah… hoping on the good foot and all that jazz. What man could? I hade spent the last 8 years in her bed every night. Sometimes five or six times. I'm a Sayian people; I'm starting to wonder how you human males keep your women happy. Geez… the woman tells me you're lucky to make it through once. I laugh at you pathetic weaklings.

"Good, now that you've given in." I would hit her, but that would probably send her the way of the Sayians, "Let's get ready. We've only got a hour." She grabbed my hand and tried to drag me to our room to change. 

Of course I could have broken her wrist, or at least the hold she had on mine. But that would be as easy as beating Kakkorott. What do you weaklings mean I can't beat him!? Of course I can! I just believe it to be beneath me! That's all! Foolish weaklings….

"Put this on now." The woman ordered as she threw some painfully ugly human clothing at me that was supposedly 'in'. What the hell did that mean anyways?! Damn weaklings and you're not making sense! And why can't you just adopt _normal_ Sayian clothing? Honestly! A tight body suit is all you need! 

I didn't argue and put on the sweater and jeans. I finished dressing and turned to face her, "Can we get this over with? I have other things to do tonight." 

She smirked at me. _Smirked!_ That was _my_ thing! Damn her! "Don't worry Veggie." Did I mention I was going to kill her? "When we get back, I _promise_ I will make it worth your while. But! Only if you behave." 

Images I'm not at liberty to discuss with you weaklings danced in my mind. Well I can't discuss them and keep the rating this low anyways. "Fine. Let's go." 

Not five minutes latter we were at that damned ugly building were that brat spends most of his time. That damned woman made me sit in a damned uncomfortable chair and watch as stupid and really ugly brats danced and sang about who knows what. How can you weaklings be proud of your offspring? They're all ugly!

I was about to fall asleep when my brat came on the stage. His teacher was yelling at him. Something about not being 'jolly' enough? What the-? I was about to get up there and blast her; I had good reasons to get home in a hurry. Telling you any of them you boost the rating of this story though.

"Shut up you stupid woman!" my brat yelled as he powered up and blasted his teacher to Kami and back. 

What was that I was saying about not being proud of your offspring? Well maybe you weaklings didn't have a reason. But my brat had just gotten my home a good hour earlier. 

I was very proud. 

That woman however was less then pleased. She yelled at the brat, until I reminded her of our previous plans. 

She suddenly seemed less angry.

I wonder why? 

~*~

Lol. I dunno. I just threw up a starting line and went from there. Anyone even get a smile out of it? Lol, ah well I did! R&R!

AoD


	4. Bloody Cold...

Bloody Cold…

Bloody Cold…

Disclaimer: Not mine.

My line: Have a happy Monday!

AoD

I hate this planet, I hate you weaklings and I hate being sick, not necessarily in that order. Oh sure according to that damned woman 'it's just a cold, it'll be gone in a few days'. That was three months ago. I hate her too. 

I know you're all laughing at me right now, and if I ever find out where you live I will kill you all don't ever doubt that! Laugh it up weaklings! I can't breath, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't see and I can't train! You know what that means weaklings? That means when the androids get here you've only got that weakling Kakkorott to depend on and since I can kill him at any moment…Ha! I laugh at your misfortune! 

"Veggie, you might want to take this…" urugh… not her, I'm too sick to deal with her… 

I looked up and saw what she was offering me, "Hell no! Keep that vile and evil stuff away from me! It tastes like something you cooked!" I yelled pulling my covers to my mouth, trying to block the spoon she was pointing at me. She had tricked me into taking that stuff before! I wasn't going to be fooled twice!

"Oh come off it!" she said trying to pull the covers away from me. I laugh at her too. Dose she really think she can over power me? Ha!

"There!"

Yes weaklings, I let her pull them away! I told you she could never over power me; I'm just trying to get her to go away faster. Don't look at me like that!

I gagged on that crap she called medicine, what was the stupid weakling expression? The curse is worse then the deceased? Something like that, that's more weakling nonsense for you.

"Now Veggie, you lay there and don't move. This cold's pretty nasty and… Veggie?" 

I was pretending to be asleep. I told you I wanted her out of my room and no I wasn't joking. How would you like to have some weakling woman cater to your every whim? It's driving me crazy! If I want something from her, I'll order her to do it. If not, she should stay away from me.

I heard her leave and was once again left alone to my damned cold. Why did I have to get sick! I don't wanna be sick! Ah! Damn this weakling cold! I'm starting to complain as much as that woman! Someone put me out of my misery… and don't ask Kakkorott, I can kick his ass.I just don't feel like it.

"AAAACCCCHHHHOOOOO!!!!" I fell back against my pillows with a groan, not fair, stupid planet, must destroy, too sick to care, kill woman, hate Kakkorott, hate you all, must be Super Sayian, must blow up planet….

Did I mention I hate this planet?

~*~

I dunno, I'm down with a damned cold that won't die so I decided to make Veggie suffer with me. Haha! Urgg… Stupid stuff nose… Hey, I didn't say Vegeta's better yet. I'll write a direct sequel to this one at some point. I think he'll kill Bulma for making him take the medicine. I would.

Anyways! Ja until next time!

AoD


	5. Short Rant

Short Rant

Disclaimer: Not mine.

My line: Have a happy Monday!  
Warning: Guys this is a story that may offend you if you write freaky DBZ couples! I've warned you! You flame, I'll laugh then flame back! The rest of you, please, enjoy! '^_^' AoD

Sorry guys, but man, I just don't know how some of you people come up with some of these pairings… And here's what I think Veggie's reaction would be. I'm not bashing your fics, some of them are great… ah yaoi! But others I wouldn't touch with a 50-foot long poll. 

I am going to kill you all. 

Nice beginning eh?

Why am I going to kill you? Well, the woman made me use that inter-net thing last night and knowing I would be a hot topic I searched for me. I found this thing called fan fiction and read some. 

This is the part where you all die.

I will say this once and only once…

**I HATE KAKKOROTT!!!!!!**

** **

I feel better now. My sexual preferences are none of your damned business, but even if I DID like males (I said IF!) Kakkorott would not be one of them! Just look at how stupid he is! He couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground! 

Geez…

Since I hate Kakkorott, I also hate anyone who has anything to do with him! Including his damned annoying woman! She's louder then mine! And Kakkorott's grand brat!? What are you sick!? She's younger then my youngest brat! That's just sick!

There's one last one…

**I WOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY SON!!!!!**

** **

Don't worry if you're writing them, I will track you down and kill you soon… watch your backs.

I am going to have nightmares for the rest of my life…

I think that's it…. You all better hope so! 

Grrr…

~*~

Oi, just go with it people. I know some people are gonna get mad, but come on. Most of us have a hard enough sticking Vegeta with Bulma let alone some of the more freaky pairings.I just can't see the prince taking those ideas well. Don't flame me, I laugh at them. R&R

AoD


End file.
